he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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