I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
