I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
