i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
