why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
