Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
