Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
