Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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