either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
