We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
