i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
