my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
