I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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