hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
