i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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