I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
