dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
