talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
they need to just BURY HIM!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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