Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
