he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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