The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
