is your mom at the bar?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
