Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
