I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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