Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
