I got chris browned last night
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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