Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
