Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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