My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
