it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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