I smell stomach acid.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
