Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
