I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
