please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
