so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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