Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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