You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
