I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
