I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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