I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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