Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
