Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
