Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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