and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
