I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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