I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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