Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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