She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
false alarm, still single
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