You made me cry and you don't even care
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
