well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think I won the penis lottery.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You're a waste of cheezeits
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
