dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Randomize
